Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3D (2013)
I finally got around to watching this and such a disappointment. I am a BIG fan of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre and is in my top 5 favourite horrors. But this one was probably the second worst one I have seen, the first worst was Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Next Generation, and that one deserves to be the worst because Leatherface is portrayed terrible mixed with a lot of bad acting, cheesy clichés, and quite frankly Renee Zellweger gets on my tits!
If you are a fan of The Massacre it makes you cringe looking at the 2013 remake. It showed scenes from the original 1974 Massacre at the start which was great but then it just went down hill from there. Of course it had the clichés of the slutty twenty something years old in it which in a way was good because you know Leatherface was going to kill them so it made it better I suppose. But the storylineRUINED everything completely, It was dragged out, and in the previous Massacres, I ain’t looking for much of a storyline, WE WANT BLOOD AND HORROR, to be frightened. The storyline dragged on and I felt like falling asleep, like If someone was watching a porn, Fuck a big confusing storyline, AINT NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT, GET TO THE FUCKING ACTION!
In my opinion the kills happened to quick, and there was no thrill at all to it, it made me think to myself, Well, that escalated quickly? But saying that, the brutality of it is one of the reasons why I would consider the it better than the Next generation, but not by much it is still in the shit category.
Even though when Leatherface put on a mask it clearly looked like a mask you’d by in a fancy dress shop, didn’t resemble freshly peeled skin at all, and the scene when he is stitching it on, you can clearly see no skin problems and a perfectly grown beard and everyone knows he suffers from facial disfigurement and a skin disease that caused severe deformities and tumours to his face. And because I’m a big fan, these things mean something to me, why in the name of fuck would he be wearing a fucking mask if his skin was normal underneath. Then he wouldn’t be Leatherface. He would be your average serial killer.
And also why do they change his name all the time? Either use Leatherface, Bubba Sawyer or even Thomas Hewitt, but stop taking the piss trying to create another name, leave it as it is. >:(
Another thing that grinds my gears that, at the beginning of the movie, when the anger mod burned down the house (Note this was a continuation of the 1974 one at the start)and blah blah blah took the baby and killed the mother, the baby then being the main character when she grows up (Named Heather in the movie). Anyway to my point. Yet she was in her twenties when her grandmother left her the mansion, they were using smartphones and playing ridiculous modern music, and if she was baby in the 70’s, would that not make her in her late 30’s? But she was clearly young and her in twenties in the movie?
Overall, I will say it again, it was a TOTAL let down, the bit of gore and horror I did enjoy put it a little bit above The Next Generation but overall It’s the stomach churning dialogue that really killed this one for me. When Heather says something like “Do what you gotta do cuz!” just made me vomit in my mouth with cringe, and suddenly she turns into some sort of “badass” and psycho which made me think, where the fuck did this come out of, it’s ridiculous.
